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Jay White2008-03-20T08:07:59.766-05:00You Can't Look Miserable if You Want to Meet People</h3><content type="html"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/damek/286843931/"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_dH0q9hvpVHg/R-Jgeop0EqI/AAAAAAAABk4/30PTKDE3H-Y/s320/cubes.png" alt="cubicles" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179808600854631074" title="cubicles" border="0" /></a>I spend a lot of time at the offices of some huge companies. Every time, without fail, I walk past huge cubicle farms. An occasional balloon may be hovering over some birthday boy's workstation, but aside from that, it's a sea of muted faces. If I had to guess, I'd say that less than 10% of the people I see actually smile, let alone say "HI!". Who can blame them; I am a guy in a suit. Suits scare people but us sales guys have to dress the part when we're meeting with executives. Maybe it is me. Maybe I not the giving off the warm and fuzzies either. Who knows? What I do know and what I have learned is that everyone can and should do what it takes to become more approachable. John Wesley of <a href="http://www.pickthebrain.com/">Pick the Brain</a> thinks the same thing. <blockquote>"Maybe you’re tired, nervous, or a person who doesn’t enjoy big crowds. In these cases, you can actually put yourself into a more likable mood by assuming more likable body language."</blockquote>Heck, I am so introverted I don't even 'reply to all' in email. For me, these tips are critical to my existence because I chose a very social occupation. John's article today was good as he shares some ideas on becoming more approachable as well as learning how body language plays a part in communicating. Give it a read and then consider how you act at work or even at home. What vibes are you sending out? <a href="http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/rock-the-party-how-to-appear-friendly-and-approachable/"> Rock the Party: How to Appear Friendly and Approachable</a> at Pick the Brain. -Jay <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/DumbLittleMan?a=IyLy1O"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/DumbLittleMan?i=IyLy1O" border="0"></img></a><div class="feedflare"> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?a=wi5VVzf"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?i=wi5VVzf" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?a=aN4Uc5f"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?i=aN4Uc5f" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?a=sywaOFf"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?i=sywaOFf" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?a=bPKyPdf"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?i=bPKyPdf" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?a=RN3NaWF"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?i=RN3NaWF" border="0"></img></a> </div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/DumbLittleMan/~4/254910458" height="1" width="1"/></content><author><name>Jay White</name></author></entry><entry><updated>2008-03-19T19:02:41.459-05:00</updated><title type="text">How To Get People Addicted To You And Take Control</h3><content type="html"><div id="write"><h7 class="write">Written on 3/19/2008 by Alex Shalman, creator of the <a href="http://www.alexshalman.com/blog/">Practical Personal Development</a> blog.</h7></div> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pixel_addict/397641110/"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_dH0q9hvpVHg/R-EqF13JO2I/AAAAAAAABko/mBWi0MHf0ws/s320/addicted.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179467326298864482" title="love is in the air" border="0" /></a>There is a special little secret ingredient which is responsible for getting people addicted to you, to love you, and to think of you as an irreplaceable person in their life. Right away you are thinking of how valuable it would be to have such power in romance, friendship and business. People would love you, adore you, and want you to succeed. How famous, rich, and powerful would you be then? This universal principle applies to any person, and can be executed at any time, but keep in mind that you will be completely exploiting them, so take this knowledge and let the use of it rest on your own conscience. In any relationship the thing that defines how much you care, feel, and want the best for them, has nothing to do with who they are. It has everything to do with who YOU are. You could equally love the prom queen or a troll, that's not based on who they are, it's based on who YOU are. The secret to making yourself care for and love someone is simply to give to them. Give them your caring, give them your love, and give them an investment of your most valuable asset- your time. Why does a mother always love her child more than vice versa? This is because the mother has given more to the child. How come the children of parents who give them absolutely everything they ask for grow up to hate their parents? This is because the parents did all of the giving, and the child gave nothing. The parent gave and grew to love, the child took and grew to hate. The key to a mutually loving relationship is a mutually giving relationship- the trick is in the balance. By now you can see that it's easier for you to make yourself addicted to them than vice versa. In one sense this is true, but there are a few techniques you can execute in order to facilitate their giving, and thus their loving. <ol><li>Get Out Of Their Way. You will notice that often times people offer to help, and you can tell they really want to, but you decide to deny them and do it yourself. Knowing what you know about giving you can now step aside, let them help you and invest time in you, and then give them a simple 'Thank You.'</li> <li>Ask and Receive. When they're not offering to help, make the offer for them by asking. You might think that causing even a slight inconvenience to them will not make them love you more, because they're having to go out of their way. Wrong. The more they just had to sacrifice and go out of their way, the more they have given and made an investment.</li> <li>Spend Some Time. Engage them in a mutually enjoyable activity. In this case you will both like it, both invest time in each other, and both associate positive emotional states with each other. As you can see, you're both going to get addicted to each other- win-win.</li></ol>Can you think of other ways to get someone addicted to you? Share in the comments below. -Alex <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/DumbLittleMan?a=YEnmml"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/DumbLittleMan?i=YEnmml" border="0"></img></a><div class="feedflare"> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?a=xzYHsVf"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?i=xzYHsVf" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?a=k8zHkrf"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?i=k8zHkrf" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?a=Xpi8Snf"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?i=Xpi8Snf" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?a=Fx6Hknf"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?i=Fx6Hknf" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?a=YybFj4F"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?i=YybFj4F" border="0"></img></a> </div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/DumbLittleMan/~4/254341456" height="1" width="1"/></content><author><name>Alex Shalman</name></author></entry><entry><updated>2008-03-18T11:36:33.816-05:00</updated><title type="text">Protect Yourself Against Energy Vampires</h3><content type="html"><div id="write"><h7 class="write">Written on 3/18/2008 by Craig Harper, a <a href="http://www.craigharper.com.au/" title="Motivational Speaker">Motivational Speaker</a></h7></div> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/smitherines/137981053/"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_dH0q9hvpVHg/R9_uYl3JO1I/AAAAAAAABkg/128Iaeu5phU/s320/complain.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179120202747034450" border="0" /></a>They live among us, in human form. To the untrained eye, it is almost impossible to tell the difference. Typically they look like you and I, but they're not, they're not like us at all. They are Vampires and their modus operandi is not to steal your blood but rather, your precious energy. Your life-force. Your mojo. To drain you emotionally and psychologically. To frustrate you with their repetitious, self-indulgent, attention-seeking diatribe. They are often bitter, angry and resentful...and they want you to share their pain. They don't want solutions, they want pity. They don't want constructive feedback, they want attention. They don't want to take responsibility, they want to blame and vent. They seem to revel in their own misery. Day in, day out. They have the same conversations about the same issues with the same people and produce the same result; no change. They major on minors. They bring others down. They have a gift for finding the negative. They are emotionally exhausting to be around. They inhabit our work places, our families, our schools and they permeate every corner of society. Note: I will point out that Energy Vampires are not to be confused with the vast majority of people who simply need help, support, direction and care... and are serious about working on themselves and their situation. They are also not to be confused with people who are genuinely looking for answers (not attention or sympathy) and are prepared to accept responsibility, be accountable and be proactive. No, the people I'm talking about here are relentless in their negativity and their 'woe-is-me' ness (a Craigism). As most of you know, I am serious about helping people create their best life and I choose to spend much of my life working with a wide range of people to help them confront and deal with their issues and create their own version of amazing. But, I'm not about letting people monopolize my time and energy and I won't buy into their poor attitude or their negativity. I don't care how messed up someone's life or situation is, if they have a good attitude, I'll help them. Gladly. If they're a Vampire, I'm outta there. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya. It's great to be a giver, a carer and a feeler (sometimes), but now and then we need to take a stand with certain people.. because if we don't, we begin to suffer and then nobody wins. So here are my tried and proven tips for coping with Energy Vampires. (Not every tip is appropriate for every person and situation but you might find some of them useful) <ol style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"><li>Identify the Vampires in your life, acknowledge the impact they have on you and make a resolution to change the way you communicate (interact with, exist with) those people. </li><li>Don't buy into their life's-not-fair-and-nobody-understands-me monologues. Feed it and you'll create a monster. </li><li>Be straight with them and tell them that you will not have the same conversations about the same issues any more (yes this takes courage). </li> <li>This sounds harsh, but some Vampires need to be avoided. </li> <li>Don't give them too much time. When a Vampire walks into my office I stand as if I'm about to go somewhere. I'll give them a few minutes and if I feel we're heading down the same old path, I'll start walking and shut the conversation down. </li> <li>Ask them questions like "so you've identified the issues, tell me how you can change things for the better?" </li> <li>If you have a Vampire who is in your life to stay (family perhaps), create some rules of engagement... "I will not talk about 'these' issues again until I see you doing XYZ." </li> <li>Choose your friends and acquaintances wisely. Make sure you spend (lots of) time with people who will drag you up, not down. You need to keep your tank full. </li></ol>Spending lots of time with Vampires is draining and unenjoyable. Pay attention to the remainder of your work week, how many do you have lurking around your office? <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/DumbLittleMan?a=5l8VCA"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~a/DumbLittleMan?i=5l8VCA" border="0"></img></a><div class="feedflare"> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?a=oRZlqBf"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?i=oRZlqBf" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?a=4tVtWIf"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?i=4tVtWIf" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?a=y0hlY7f"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?i=y0hlY7f" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?a=8TmeSDf"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?i=8TmeSDf" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?a=mu9ALLF"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~f/DumbLittleMan?i=mu9ALLF" border="0"></img></a> </div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/DumbLittleMan/~4/253728250" height="1" width="1"/></content><author><name>Jay White</name></author></entry><entry><updated>2008-03-18T06:19:14.749-05:00</updated><title type="text">Let's Clear Out Your Mental Clutter</h3><content type="html"><div id="write"><h7 class="write">Written on 3/18/2008 by <a href="http://www.slowdownfast.com/about/">David B. Bohl</a>, the author of <a href="http://www.slowdownfast.com/">Slow Down Fast</a>.</h7></div> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/exalthim/2263620589/"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_dH0q9hvpVHg/R9-iEl3JO0I/AAAAAAAABkY/umBdah0Dv_g/s320/clutter.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179036296265939778" border="0" /></a>One of the side effects of living a full and busy life is the presence of constant “white noise” playing in your mind. Sometimes we are plagued by unfinished business or a to-do list a mile long that nags at the back of our minds. Other times we are experiencing insecurities that are being manifested by the little gremlin in our mind berating us or telling us we are not good enough. Mental clutter negatively affects your <a href="http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2008/02/11/5-time-tested-techniques-to-control-and-calm-your-mind/">personal development</a> by preventing you from moving forward in your life. No matter what the source of your mental clutter happens to be, it can become serious enough to manifest itself in the form of physical ailments. At the least, it is a source of constant stress and aggravation. You have to learn to break out of this noise and pattern and to do so, you have to identify what exactly is cluttering your mind. To do so, read through these three points and begin listing things or traits (albeit physical clutter, work problems, family problems) that you want to remove from your life. <ol><li>Avoidance Behaviors that Clutter the Mind: A major source of mental clutter is the nagging existence of unfinished business. We tend to avoid situations we find uncomfortable or difficult, and many times we will overburden ourselves with other responsibilities just to avoid an unpleasant task. All this does is make us even more tired and more stressed than before, and the unfavorable task is still waiting. In fact, many times the job left waiting for us becomes even more dreadful in our minds because now we not only have the unfinished business hanging over us, but the anticipation of it builds up its own kind of stress. Procrastination, which is directly related to avoidance, also causes mental clutter. Whenever you leave a job undone, you are going to have a nagging voice in your head constantly reminding you of the unfinished business. You will also feel physical stress until you just dig in and get the job done. Avoidance prevents us from using good <a href="http://ririanproject.com/2007/12/04/5-steps-to-finding-true-joy-and-removing-your-sorrows/">time management</a> techniques and usually costs us hours in wasted time. </li> <li>The Dangers of Indecision: Much like avoidance, indecision only delays the inevitable. There may be many reasons you hesitate to take action when an important decision needs to be made. In most cases, indecision is caused by a fear of making the wrong decision. By doing nothing though, you will only continue to fret about your situation and the stress you feel will only continue to build. Forge ahead, trust your instincts, and make a decision. Even if you make the wrong choice, you will at least have cleared your mind of that particular worry. Errors are one of the prime learning opportunities life throws our way, so you still have the chance to take something good away from the experience, even if you do not make the best choice. </li> <li>Overcoming the Feeling of Being Overwhelmed: Sometimes when we have too much to do, we are frozen in confusion, uncertain of where to begin. Large projects or an overloaded calendar can leave you frustrated and overwhelmed. Many of us cannot even decide where to begin when standing in the face of an excessive amount of work. Rather than look at the whole picture, allowing it to frighten us, break the job down into its component parts. Tackle each task individually, each one bringing you closer to the accomplishment of your overriding goal. When you look at one piece of the puzzle at a time, it helps ease your fears and sense of frustration. </li> </ol>Let go of this stuff. You need to clear out the mental clutter and quiet your mind in order to <a href="http://www.dumblittleman.com/2007/12/6-simple-steps-to-achieve-laser-like.html">achieve focus</a> in your life. Having focus will lead you directly to better time management, which translates into greater efficiency and accomplishment. 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