One-Person Trend Stories Mock Anecdotal Leads [Things We Actually Like]

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Someone started an aptly-named site called "One Person Trend Stories," which does a pretty fantastic job of skewering the thinly-sourced, heavily-caveated features familiar to readers (and writers!) of pretty much every major newspaper and newsmagazine out there. It's not clear if the anonymous author — J-school student? Disgruntled intern? — intended the site as a parody, or as more straightforward humor. But it's pretty obvious that bloggers everywhere love the site and are linking to it. To be sure, the only example I have is the post you're now reading, and the public's appetite for media mockery is limited. One of the better posts is after the jump.

Hipster Lesbians Are Working on Bergen Street

Courtney Golding was on deadline. She decided to go to the new vegan coffee shop on her block to get a tempeh reuben for lunch. While her sandwich was being prepared, she decided to run some errands, picking up a copy of The Secret Diaries of Laura Palmer at used bookstore Unnameable Books and then taking a look around the just opened Brooklyn locale of the girl-friendly sex toy emporium, Toys in Babeland.

At each store, Golding, a longtime Bergen Street resident, noted one unifying force: lesbians working who were wearing the accoutrements one usually associates with hipsterdom. “They we wearing things like Nike Air Force Ones, No Age t-shirts, and oversized plastic eyeglasses,” says Golding, 30. “All of them looked a bit like J.D. Samson from Le Tigre. One had a tattoo on her neck.”

To be sure, lesbians who have tattoos and, perhaps, piercings, have long worked on a variety of streets in Brooklyn.

“That sounds just like my block,” notes Jeremy Kiehl, a 28-year-old graphic designer. “But I live on Union, near Tea Lounge and Park Slope Yoga Center and the Coop.”

[One-Person Trend Stories]

Jesse Jackson: "I Wanna Cut Obama's Nuts Off" [VideUhOh]

Those Who Would Fight To Destroy This Great Nation [Kenneth Cole]

Middling designer and anti-patriot Kenneth Cole's blog declares that the USA's awesome title as most drugged-out country in the entire world is "A Number One We Don't Want To Be." Better ask your models about that, man. [Awearness Blog]

From My Dad [From The Mailbag]

"ALF is back! And I don't mean in pog form." There are ALF reruns on WGN now, yall.

Movin' On Down [The Family Stoned]

The poor Lohan clan, all snarling wannabes orbiting young actress Lindsay, is living in a hell of its own making. Since their reality show Living Lohan aired, their house on Long Island has been besieged by stalky picture takers. So they're forced to relocate. And I'm sure they love it.

Jesse Jackson To Threaten Obama's "Nuts" Tonight On Fox News [God Damn America]

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Oh hey look everyone, Jesse Jackson said terrible things about Barack Obama while a microphone was on, and now, oddly, Fox News has this tape! Sean Hannity talked about it on the radio today, and Bill O'Reilly will be playing the tape tonight, on his show. OMG they are creaming themselves. Drudge already has the apology and no one has heard the tape yet! Reportedly, the Reverend is upset that Obama "talks down to black people on matters of faith," and then, more colorfully, he says he wants to rip Obama's nuts off. Maybe? "Hannity would not say 'nuts,' but based on his description (portion of the male anatomy beginning with an 'n') I believe that’s the word he was going for." So this is basically great news for everyone!

Fox has a fantastic story and gets to mock Jesse Jackson, and Barack Obama finds the spectre of "militant," scary-to-whites black people distancing themselves from him without him having to sell anyone out! Seriously, will the white people who watch Fox News think, upon hearing this tape, that they are forced to side with Jesse Jackson? Will Bill argue that Obama has sold out the black community by calling for more personal responsibility and less reliance on the government, which seems to be what Jackson thinks?

Or will everyone just pile on Jesse, like always, and help Barry win over those blue-collar whites Chris Matthews thinks are so important?

WAS THIS WHOLE THING ENGINEERED?

5WPR Flacks Get So Freaking Busted Impersonating People Online [Flackery]

We call 5WPR chief Ronn [sic] Torossian an "incompetent superflack" for a reason, people. He and his firm are not just annoying; they are actually incompetent at the practice of public relations. The latest, and sweetest evidence: 5WPR just got stone-cold busted for impersonating people (including a Rabbi!) in a blog comments section on behalf of a (soon-to-be-former, if they're smart) client. We have an email in to Ronn for comment, but this evidence makes a pretty good case that 5W is a bunch of mindless trolls:

FailedMessiah.com did a little poking around on the internets and found that—surprise!—a bunch of its stupid comments were coming from the same IP address. A 5WPR IP address.

Not only did 5W impersonate Rabbi Allen – a federal crime, by the way – it also impersonated JVNA officer John Diamond and frequent FailedMessiah commenter Yochanan Lavie – also federal crimes.

5W also left multiple comments on this blog using many different aliases. The comments were often left on the same post and used to support each other and Agriprocessors. But all comments originated from 5W Public Relations, Agriprocessors PR firm, even though the commenter(s) presented himself as a non-affilliated observer.

Here's an example of one of the comments, which certainly has that 5W flair:

You can look over the mounds of evidence of 5W's guilt here. If we hear from Ronn, we'll let you know. In the meantime, why not amuse yourself by looking back at the comments on our posts about Ronn and 5WPR and picking out the 5W trolls? I guarantee they're in there!

[FailedMessiah.com]

Look, We Made You a Gawker Glossary! [Gawker Glossary]

If you're new to this website—or even if you're not!—there may be moments when you ask yourself, "WTF is going on?" In order to increase traffic, we feel it's important to make this site's host of internet slang terms more accessible to moms. But seriously—in case n00bs are getting confused by our describing people as webtard/fameball/emosoynistic douchecomplexes, here's a handy guide to the terms and insults of Gawker Media. Inside: the difference between a catbag and a cashfan explained.

Is OK! Cornering The Baby Picture Market? [Celebrity Magazines]

America's celebrity magazines are facing a grave situation: the interest in celebrities themselves is not great enough to move the millions of copies they need to sell. No, all that people really want to see are celebrity babies. That's where the money is these days. But the vital open flow of capital in our national celebrity baby picture market is being threatened by OK! magazine's blatant pandering and deep pockets. Can we accept a bunch of sleazy, credulous Brits winning the first $15 million-plus baby picture auction? It staggers the mind! Here is the nature of the threat:

We hear that OK! publisher Richard Desmond is so set on obtaining the exclusive rights to Brangelina's new baby pictures that he's personally handling negotiations for the photos—which reached $15 million more than a month ago. (Desmond is British and OK! is multinational, meaning that Desmond is helped by both the ability to market these photos worldwide, and the pitifully low dollar). OK!'s editor is ex-celebrity flack Rob Shuter, who is a glorified celebrity wrangler whose only value is his Rolodex and his willingness to do anything to ingratiate the magazine to its famous subjects. One small example: we hear part of OK!'s agreement with Jamie Lynn Spears was to not cover the angle that she is, ya know, a single teen mom. Just the pictures, please!

And OK! may be intent on cornering the market! Consider the recent trifecta: the magazine just landed the Jamie Lynn Spears baby photo exclusive:

And just today, OK! reportedly paid $3 million for the first pics of little Levi, the tot produced by Matthew McConaughey and his girlfriend:

Add that to what looks like a probable win for OK! in the Brangelina baby bidding war, and it's a clean sweep for the whole month.

With a committed publisher, a fat checkbook, and an editor-in-chief who considers "journalism" to be a foreign word, it looks like OK! just may be the only place to turn for your baby pic fix this year. Scary! The only question now is whether the skyrocketing bidding will pay off financially—and if so, for how long. Since we're living in a time when J-Lo can make an amount on baby pictures that rivals her own box office receipts, it seems that OK! will, sadly, only become more dominant the more they win. B-list wedding pictures will never make up the slack.

The Only Degree That Truly Prepares You for a Life of Never Leaving the House [Shut Up, College]

It's hard to convince people, sometimes, that blogging is a "real" job. But it totally is, in a statistically insignificant (but marginally growing!) number of cases. But, you know, the obsessive hobbyists don't help with that perception. And, uh, neither does this ad, from the University of Phoenix.

"19 years old, works part time, blogs daily, goes to school online. If she can do it, so can you. Have a life and earn a degree." Oh, where to begin.

What an inspiring young woman! How ever does she find the time to blog daily? Anyway, yes. Attending the University of Pheonix: it's just as legitimate as blogging!

(Also someone please photoshop Keith Gessen into this ad and replace "University of Phoenix" with "Harvard.")

Subscribe with an RSS reader Older News Archive Add news to your web site