The Week We Were Overwhelmed By the World's Problems [Week In Review]

• Hooray summer! Hooray vindictive flacks! And their flack friends! And enemies! And their odd vendettas!
• Hooray also for the new website that will make our research so much easier!
• Lara Logan is having a baby, Bill O'Reilley is having a disinigenuous tantrum. Madonna is having sex.
• The gay Jews didn't even notice that lesbian!
• The following people should go to jail: Dennis Kneale, Elle photoshoppers, Gawker readers.
• We cannot actually believe this is for real but it is and we love it.
• What the hell are we talking about? Now you know!
• Jesse Jackson wants to castrate Barack Obama. Have you heard? Also he maybe said more stuff but maybe he didn't? It's hard to tell with all the other lies and veiled threats these days.
• We said NUTS to the New York Times.
• Who are the worst people in the world? Either TMZ or TMZ commenters.
• No fatties.
• Someone's coming to adopt Keith Gessen's cat tomorrow! And now the truth can be told: we almost guilted Choire into taking it.

Manhattan Borough President Locks Up Bilious Creative Underclass Vote [All Politics Is Local]

Manhattan Borough President Scott Stringer came by the Gawker offices last night. Late last night. After Blakeley's Media Meshing party, while various of our peers were back in the office playing beer pong. We don't know why he was there. We weren't there! Though Rex Sorgatz, who does not work for Gawker, was! Comment Guru Kaila was there too, and she shares this Scott Kidder photograph of the odd event along with her own recounting of the details:

Last night, Manhattan Borough President and proud parrot-owner Scott Stringer made a surprise visit to the Gawker Media inner sanctum. The perma-Upper West Sider, who is said to be eyeing a run at citywide office, confessed affection for Gawker and old sister site Wonkette. Interested in the machinations of new media, Stringer regaled us with tales of how it used to be: when he worked for future Congressman Jerry Nadler in the '80s, Nadler's press releases went to old media types not by phone or fax or smoke signal, but by Stringer himself, who used to ride the subways around town all day to hand-deliver the pages to the city's newsdesks.

Huh. So... he thinks he will be the next mayor? And, even more ludicrous, he thinks the support of Gawker will somehow help? (We have our suspicious as to which Dem campaign consultants recommended this little visit.)

What Does Jesse Jackson Want to do With Barack Obama's Nuts? [Clarifications]

Controversy! Did Jesse Jackson want to rip Barack Obama's nuts "off" or "out"? No big deal, you say? Tell it to the Post! "Veterinarians and doctors talk about cutting nuts 'off.' Only a thug or a gangster cuts a man's nuts 'out.'" Jeff Johnson makes the importance of the distinction a little clearer: "Maybe Jackson simply does not understand human anatomy. Perhaps he tells women, in the throes of passion, that he'd like to chew on their breasts, rather than suckle them. Maybe he puts his shoes on, then his socks. Maybe he thinks that hearts don't beat, that they 'squeeze.'" [Fitted Sweats]

Live With 2 Sadults and 1 Gorilla [Craigslist]

Why Does Everyone Insist on Dining and Drinking Alfresco? [Summer Trends]

It's one of the many things that makes New York so insufferable in the summer—besides the heat, the crowds, the construction, the smells, and the humidity. Being forced to eat or drink outside—with wind, blinding sun, bugs, pedestrians brushing too close, and the way restaurants that have added outside tables often corral their diners in like cows—is simply uncivilized.

I'm not the only one who hates it! New York Times restaurant critic Frank Bruni lamented last fall about "the increased popularity of sidewalk cafes in New York, the number of which has grown by 25 percent over the last four years." He posited, correctly, that people insist on it because it makes them feel like they're in Europe, where sidewalk cafes are more pleasant. (We're not in Europe.)

Even worse, in my experience? The "summer gardens" of bars. Sounds lovely! But the "garden" area is usually just a backyard/storage space they've cleaned up a bit for the simple amusement of us proles, who are pleased so easily. (It also serves as a handy way to shoehorn a few more groups in the bar.) Then everyone crowds in, and the vicious cycle repeats itself.

(I feel sorry for everyone involved in the garden situation—especially the neighbors, who hear the same five versions of the same five drunken conversations night after night, broadcast through their windows in a horrible feedback loop.)

What I resent the most about a city hell-bent on alfresco dining and drinking is the forced cheerfulness it requires. You're supposed to comment on the weather: isn't it great? So great. Lot warmer this week. Oh, it's lovely. If at night: "Look at the stars!" Etc.

The only time this anti-alfresco rule can be broken is if you're dining or drinking on a rooftop. See you at Top of the Tower.

[Photo: Ryan's NYC]

Man, 71, Upset About Things [Headlines]

From the New York Times. Prized playwright Tom Stoppard has current affairs-induced writer's block. The Times, on the other hand, keeps on churning out sad, telling little oddities like this. "Arts, Briefly." Man oh man.

Kreepie Kats Kut Off Your Nuts In: "Reading Gawker is the moral Equivalent of Stuffing Your mom's Snatch With Nacho Cheese and Pouring Red Fucking Ants on Top!!" [Kreepie Kats]

[Today, everyone's favorite kartoon kats attack and assail YOU, the reader, from deep in Jim Behrle's comfortable bunker, which is located, we're told, in the UNDERGROUND. Klick thru and watch!]

Pamela Anderson Doesn't Need Your Tainted Money (Pockets Money) [Hypocrisy]

Not to shock all of you, but evidence has arisen that indicates that breast-toting sex symbol Pamela Anderson may not be the beacon of morality you all thought. She's a prominent vegetarian and opponent of KFC and all its chicken-slaying ways. So while she was down in Australia filming Big Brother, she took the opportunity to hand-deliver a letter of protest to a KFC outlet. The twist: Pam is getting paid half a million dollars to be on Big Brother—and the biggest sponsor of the show is KFC. I guess she can say she's milking them dry of all their dirty blood money? Yes, that'll work. Below, the text of her missive, explaining the difference between a chicken and a superstar:

I’ve been in Australia filming Big Brother, in which my housemates and I are confined and sealed off from the outside world, much like the chickens who are crammed inside barns for KFC. Fortunately, I won’t be stomped to death, have my legs broken or be scalded to death in a tank of hot water – yet, as PETA’s undercover videos have revealed, the chickens raised for KFC’s restaurants in Australia often suffer these abuses.

Following negotiations with PETA, KFC Canada has agreed to make landmark animal welfare reforms, including phasing in the purchase of 100 per cent of its chicken from suppliers that use controlled-atmosphere killing (CAK), which is the least cruel method of slaughter. KFC Canada has also agreed to implement stricter audits of suppliers, and it will offer a vegan faux-chicken menu item at most of its restaurants. Please use your position as head of KFC in Australia to stop the worst abuses that these birds suffer by asking David Novak, CEO of Yum! Brands, to make the improvements already agreed to by KFC Canada.

[The Superficial, PETA]

"P is for Pageviews and Payscale of Poo" [The Commies]

Commie time! Usually I'll collect comment-of-the-week picks from the other writers and let you know who selected what, but I think that makes it seem like only they liked that comment. So while there is input from four of us after the jump, I'll just keep anonymous. Because everyone loved everyone this week. And that's the way it should be.

• From blogissuchanuglyword in James Kurisunkal, Midwestern Teen Socialite Chronicler, Makes It In New York:
  "I've recently started a blog where I write about people from Tennessee, whom I have never met. They send me pictures of themselves trying on clothes at JCPenny's, filling up a gas stations, and attending early Saturday afternoon baby showers. I add little blurbs about what it must be like to live there and who-snubbed-who in the Whole Foods parking lot the day before."
• From mathnet in XXL Magazine Threatened by Utter Teh Gheyness of Hipsters:
  "You know what would be so ironic? BAGGY PANTS"
• From Sasquatch in Wall-E's Big, Fat, Offensive Problem:
  "Generally speaking, people who get offended by accurate satire are douches." —Just perfect.
• From Multiphasic in Presented Without Comment:
  "I just want one of the ladies to turn around and snap at him, 'Stop following this commenter!'"
• From ColonelMustard in TMZ Steals From the Poor and Gives to Themselves:
• 
  Your Party Pick (send choices to richardl at gawker dot com) goes to RollsRoyceRevenge in Look, We Made You a Gawker Glossary!:
  "A is for Alec
  B is for Blagg
  C is for Cats on a LOL jag
  D is for Denton, that hot little flooze
  E is for Emily and all her tattoos
  F is for Shelia who ought to be Fired
  G is for Gawker where I'd like to be hired
  H is for Hater which is just such a bore
  I is for Internet invented by Gore
  J is for she who shall never see show
  K is for Karen, last name of Uh-Oh
  L is for Lodiwick and his Lovely balloon
  M is for kicking his ass to the Moon
  N is for N + 1 (they keep us all gessin'!)
  O God, we all think, Moe's interview was depressin'
  P is for Page views and Payscale of Poo
  Q is for Queens-think I see one or two
  R is for Richard, who I'd like to know better
  S is for Josh in a hideous Sweater
  T is for Tionna
  U is for UnFun
  V is for Views-no, that's already done
  W is for Work which we all should be doing
  XXX is for Fleshbot and free pics of screwing
  Y is for Yawn, and invitation to Ketch
  Z is for….

  Fucking hell."

  Something about that last bit just really reflects Gawker, in a way. So, good work all! Enjoy your weekends, especially to the happy Tarkin couple.

The Jacksons, The Obamas, and 'Radar' [Reckless Speculation]

So while we're on the subject of Radar and who owns them and what they won't cover, let's all read this fun story about the Jesse Jackson family from last February's New Republic! It's about Barack Obama the Jackson kids. First: the younger Jacksons like Barry Obama a lot more than Jesse Sr. This has been amply demonstrated recently. But the Obama family and the Jackson family are totally intertwined! Let's learn about that, shall we?

Michelle Obama went to high school with the Reverend's oldest child, Santita Jackson. So young Michelle was a "frequent" Jackson family house guest. In fact: "Michelle and Santita kind of babysat for Junior and Yusef and Jonathan [the third Jackson son] and oversaw the kids when the parents were gone," an old Jackson family advisor told TNR.

And it gets a little complicated here. Michelle is an old Jackson family friend. Junior has been campaigning for Obama—campaigning hard. But Yusef is BFF with supermarket mogul Ron Burkle, who is BFF with Bill Clinton, so Yusef raised money for Hillary. Yusef also—with Burkle—owns Radar!

Now that Clinton's out of the race, all the Jacksons are ostensibly behind Obama. Though Jesse Sr is obviously a bit ambivalent.

BUT it's worth noting (Nick is gone today so we're putting on our Denton Caps as we throw this out there) that not only has Radar not, in any of its forms, covered this recent Jackson scandal, it's also been very kind to Michelle Obama (this is the sum total of their coverage of her "first time in my adult life, I'm really proud of my country" remark). Of course, we've been pretty kind to her too, because we think she's pretty awesome. But still! She didn't go to grammar school with the older sister of our secret owner! TRANSPARENCY!

Slim Pickings [Bloggers]

In the inevitable reaction to Playboy.com's list of the hottest female bloggers, a lady has now launched a poll to find the hottest male bloggers. See what she did there? None of the guys from Gawker Media are on the list. It's all just nerds and man-whores. [Mom Generations via PRN]

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