Hundreds Of Thousands Of People Admitting They're Very Lonely [The Future Is Stupid]

Sprint has a massive program letting customers see where their friends are through GPS-enabled phones. Because sometimes people aren't using Twitter! Obviously this service (also coming out from Verizon) is huge with the kids, says the Wall Street Journal, because they're savvy enough to get that only approved friends will see where they are, so this isn't a stalker machine. The real danger is seeing long-distance loneliness in real-time.

I'm one of those people who never makes plans and thus ends up calling six people at eight o'clock and ending up eating dinner alone. For a while, I sent mass dinner invites on Twitter, but that only broadcast that I was a loser.

Now imagine I know who's close by. Thank Jesus I don't have GPS, or I'd text people saying "Dude, you're just four blocks away, come eat with me!" So unavoidably awkward.

The Week Everyone Was Fat [Week In Review]

• W.I.R. will be brief, this week, as your day editor is already late for drinks. (For "drinks.")
  
• All of the people we rely on to make fools of themselves on the internet for our amusement are getting together to make television shows.
  
• There's a place in France where the naked ladies marry the President.
  
• Balls! Just one of this week's many varied and enlightening listicles.
  
• Liberty Mutual did a bad, bad thing. Drug user David Seaman did a dumb, dumb thing, on Fox, because of the drugs.
  
• Then we yelled at people who like Macs and iPhones because why not?
  
• Annie Leibovitz: racist. Against the Germans!
  
• The Marc Jacobs break-up inspired us to consider Facebook romance.
  
• Everyone is fat! Fat fat fat fat fat!
  
• Oh no! Scorpions!

Kreepie Kats in "Not Without My Dildo!!" [Kreepie Kats]

[Today, Jim Behrle's nutty kitties have a heartwarming aventure through space and time, courtesy of some totally bitchin new transitional wipes. Trouble watching? Try here.]

"Kristen Got Paid to Be Eliot's Friend": A Toddler's Take [Spitzer Scandal]

It's hard to explain sex scandals to kids, but thank God this isn't like 1994 and we have to start explaining blow jobs and thongs all over again. A young girl in a princess dress explains to SuperDeluxe her understanding of the matter, adding, "everybody at school is talking about it" and that they replaced Eliot with a blind man.

Hey, At Least They Got A T-Shirt [Tribune Co.]

When Dennis FitzSimons left the Tribune Co. in December, he got a $41 million payout. Awesome for him, offensive for everyone else. And as a joke on fate's cruelty to work-a-day journalists, the Hartford Courant handed out t-shirts that said "My CEO walked off with $41 million and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!" Nothing says motivation like a shirt to wear to the gym. [Romenesko]

Everything In This Election Is Still Up For Debate [Race Relations]

Team Hillary must be working overtime to also start this discussion on Amazon.

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