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Atoosa Rubenstein's Note to Young Alpha-Kitty Self [Books]

In the new book, If I'd Only Known Then: Women in Their 20s and 30s Write Letters to Their Younger Selves, former Seventeen editor and current Alpha Kitty Atoosa Rubenstein contributes, "I know you don't believe me, just like you don't believe Mom when she tells you that you are beautiful. But I'll say it anyway: One day you will lead a very fancy life. Yes! A girl like you whose parents work multiple jobs and barely make ends meet can grow up to live in a beautiful corner apartment in Manhattan overlooking the water, have weekend houses in the Hamptons and Miami, attend fashion shows in Europe and be photographed for magazines." (No, the 'Toos was not being sarcastic.) We are trying to find out if one of these letter-writers encourages their younger selves to drink and slut it up while they have the chance, 'cause gravity is only on your side for so long, honey. [via the Observer]

read more alpha kitty Atoosa Rubenstein Books Fri, 02 May 2008 18:06:20 EDT Sheila

Fascinating, Buzz, Because We Would Have Guessed That You Were Already An Expert Based On Your Subtle Deconstruction Of The Form []

"I never want to be an expert in the field of blogs. That would be way too pathetic," says Buzz Bissinger, bug-eyed ranting madman and nemesis of Deadspin and all of its sickening brethren. Interesting take Mr. Bissinger, thank you for sharing that explanation with us. [Fanhouse]

read more Blogs Media Fri, 02 May 2008 17:58:51 EDT Hamilton Nolan

See a Man About a Horse [Decadence And Depravity]

The Kentucky Derby is coming up. You don't know shit about racing. But you love betting on things! Who to wager this weekend's drug money on? Allow Jeff Johnson and Pavement's Bob Nostanovich to help. [Vice]

read more decadence and depravity Gambling Horses Kentucky Derby Pavement the races Fri, 02 May 2008 17:53:08 EDT Pareene

From Craigslist: "J.O. On Rails" [Happy Friday]

Real or fake, this is pretty funny. I didn't realize a straight-on-straight, Godzilla, model train, crabstick fetish existed, but apparently it does. Enjoy your weekend everybody. I'll be drinking in midtown if you want to find me. [Hysterical Paroxysm] Click through for larger image.

read more Happy Friday I heard you went, conbon, was it fun? Fri, 02 May 2008 17:45:00 EDT Richard

Kreepie Kats in "Death Komes To The Bumps on My Penis!!" [Kreepie Kats]

[Jim Berhle's lovable Kreepie Kats meet a mysterious soothsayer! Also they make fun of Keith Gessen.]

read more kreepie kats the less you think Fri, 02 May 2008 17:38:16 EDT Pareene

The State of Street Fashion [Urban Anthropology]

According to hipster meta-mag Vice's fashion issue, street fashion in New York City these days is all about looking like dark, weird eccentric richies, with Edie Sedgewick and Olsen twin looks popular amongst the girls. Either that or androgynous: "so now, for the third year running, we want to officially say that you pretty, well-adjusted, rich fashion fuckers have ruined the Smiths for real fans, so fuck you." For boys, it's still tight pants and plaid. (We've noticed. Sigh.) [Vice]

read more Fashion Street Fashion urban anthropology Vice Fri, 02 May 2008 17:32:38 EDT Sheila

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion" [The Commies]

While most of you lot are still gawking at the corpses of your friends, it is important to keep on with the business of living. As President Morgan Freeman says in Deep Impact: "I'm the president." But, also some things about marching on in the face of terrible tragedy. So I urge you to gather here (or, rather, after the jump) and revel in the successes of your peers; six noble souls who looked at an empty comment box and dared to ask "Why not?"

From millwhistle in Good News: Even More Subway Ads:
"No one is going to want their brand associated with the G train. Except maybe a molasses company" [Hamilton's pick. He says: "In honor of sheila and all greenpoint peoples."]

From Chaim_Gnadelstein in Stalk Scarlett Johansson Via Music Video:
"What does she have to be so miserable about? Being really, really attractive and clearing five million a year as a very mediocre actor?

If I was in her position, this video would basically be four minutes of me in a posh dining room, devouring a six-foot cake in slow motion. Barefoot, in my fucking bathrobe. " [Ryan's pick]

From tracyflick in Enjoying the Fried Calamari Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly:
"The Nerve personal are full of the most pompous, pseudo-intellectual douchebags. At least on Lavalife you know what you're getting - a bunch of ex-cons who wear Joey Buttafucco pants and live in Queens." [Sheila's pick]

From Helman in Ugh:
"Am so relieved I'm not the only person to have watched that miserable show." [Solidarity!]

From Bell County in Floridians Confused by Fairy's Message:
"These people are just upset because their religions aren't robust enough to contain the statement. For example, this sign is not problematic if you worship fairies." [And for lots of other brilliant work this week, foreal.]

Your Party Pick this week goes, bittersweetly, to VirusWithShoes who wrote lovely words in LIterary Love Connection:
"SIR GEOFFREY

Why, Adams, you old dog, you - come closer, dear boy. I simply must declare my undying adoration of that filly Seltzer's marvellous mountains!

ADAMS

I hear the talents she so obviously brings are done a disservice by her penchant for lily-gilding, Sir.

SIR GEOFFREY

Indeed, my boy. But it is said amongst no finer crowd than this, that baby may have back - if not front, Adams. Thoughts?

ADAMS

I have heard the same whispers in the self-same corridors, Sir. She undoubtedly has a fine rack, although - if I may speak somewhat out of turn - it appears that she will not be going back after reportedly getting some black.

SIR GEOFFREY

Ah, what a damned shame. My darling Cressida went through the exact same thing in the Congo. Last time I saw her, she was waving goodbye from the back of an elephant, naked as the day I met her. Ah well - I guess it's off to war, then?

ADAMS

Indeed!

SIR GEOFFREY

I meant for you, not me. Of course.

ADAMS

Of course, Sir. Wouldn't dream of it any other way. (EXITS) "

Bravo to all!

read more commenters never let me go The Commies Fri, 02 May 2008 17:15:47 EDT Richard

Shepard Fairey, Blind? [Obey]

Shepard Fairey, a.k.a. OBEY, the artist and graphic designer who plastered the world with "Andre The Giant Has A Posse" posters and is perhaps the biggest thing ever to happen to wheatpaste, is reportedly going blind. Fast. One source says he could lose his vision by the end of the year. Bucky Turco at Animal NY has the scoop. Sad news.

read more Art Artists Breaking Counterculture Fashion Gossip obey Pop Culture Shepard Fairey Tragedy Fri, 02 May 2008 17:06:39 EDT Hamilton Nolan

The Most Important Interview of Our Time [Tom Cruise]

Tom Cruise on family life: "I don't know, normal, how to make it. ... I just try to create life, for them." Oprah looks SCARED of him. NOW HE'S CRYING ABOUT HOW HE ALWAYS DOES THE BEST HE CAN. Update: He just kidnapped Oprah on his snowmobile. They road off into the woods, Miller's Crossing-style. "This is what happened with Katie!" she cried.