If you are reading this you probably think about life more than the “Average Joe” out there. This is a good thing, but you should also be aware that your thinking can potentially hold you back - even to the point of ruining your life. How so? The following are a few ways that have been particularly relevant to my own life.

Matters of the Heart

“You don’t always have to hold your head higher than your heart” - Jack Johnson

When it comes to love, most people have experienced the feeling of receiving different messages from their head and their heart. There is no right answer as to which one you should follow - ultimately it depends on the unique set of circumstances surrounding your situation. You should, however, be aware that sometimes you need to trust in your heart over what your head tells you.

A personal example from my own life is my relationship with my wife. She is Canadian and I am Australian, and we met at a time when a relationship was the last thing on my mind. I had just come out of a long term relationship and I was enjoying the freedom of traveling in a foreign country with no responsibilities. Upon meeting we quickly became very close, but I had to endure my mind telling me, “Don’t get too serious as there is no way this relationship will last” . It is true that we have had more obstacles to overcome than your typical couple, but we trusted in our hearts and have made the relationship work.

My point here is that the mind will often focus on reasons why a relationship won’t work rather than why it might. These may be valid reasons, but you should treat them very carefully and not be afraid to follow your heart on occasions.

Analysis Paralysis

“The maxim ‘nothing but perfection’ may be spelled ‘paralysis’.” - Winston Churchill

Golfers will be familiar with the concept “analysis paralysis”. Basically it involves over-thinking the correct way to hit the golf ball, and usually results in a poor shot due to the natural rhythm of the stroke being lost.

Analysis paralysis is not limited to golf. It can appear anywhere in life where action is required. In my younger days I experienced it when I wanted to approach someone of interest, but was unable to because my mind overanalyzed the situation. Uncontrolled thoughts would race through my mind, such as “what will she say?” or “what if she ignores me or says no?” . I never found out the answer to those questions because I didn’t get to ask them. My thoughts had, in effect, paralysed me.

I have also experienced analysis paralysis with university assignments, work projects and, yes, even blogging. Instead of just getting on with what needs to get done, often I will get bogged down with minor details, tweaks, research… anything really that keeps me from the main task at hand.

If you feel analysis paralysis is something you struggle with, you need to work on silencing your mind. The best way I have found to do this is to practice meditation. If you are interested in learning to meditate, I recommend reading one of our most popular articles: 4 Powerful Reasons to Meditate and How To Get Started .

Possessed By Your Mind

“Most people are so completely identified with the voice in the head - the incessant stream of involuntary and compulsive thinking and the emotions that accompany it - that we may describe them as being possessed by their mind.” - Eckhart Tolle

Many of us are all too familiar with the incessant stream that Tolle describes in the above passage. I know once was. It is, of course, natural to have thoughts continually arise in your mind. The problem occurs, however, when we become fully identified with these thoughts.

If you are familiar with Eckhart Tolle, you will know that one of his teachings is that we human beings are not our thoughts, but rather the awareness that perceives our thoughts. The key then to not being possessed by our mind should be obvious: awareness.

You can start to cultivate awareness today by slowing down and paying attention to what you are experiencing in the present moment, rather than letting your mind live in the past or the future. Avoid simply labeling people or things. For example, if you see a bird don’t simply attach the label of “bird” to it and then look away. Instead, take a moment to just observe it and appreciate the complex simplicity of nature.

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In this article I have surveyed some ways in which thinking can potentially ruin your life. Perhaps it gets in the way of true love, stops you from taking action or completely possesses your mind. There is obviously a lot more to say on these topics than what can be discussed here, but rest assured that if these are areas you struggle with, and you can begin to bring awareness to them, you will begin down the path to controlling your thoughts, and in turn your life.

Since this article is about “thinking”, I would love to hear your thoughts about anything discussed in this article in the comments below.

Peter is editor of Pick The Brain and founder of The Change Blog . Images courtesy of Fabbio and Jurvetson .

Link Karma

Here are a few articles that I have recently enjoyed:

5 Signs You’ve Married Your Problems (and How to Divorce Them) - Jonathan Mead

Mind vs. Brain Part I: We Are Only Human - The Financial Philosopher

3 Simple Steps to Kindle Your Inner Fire - Success Soul

Making Your Dreams Come True - Effortless Abundance

Think Like Leonardo Da Vinci - Marelisa Online

Reality Check: Are You Doing What It Takes to Get Ahead in Life? - My Super-Charged Life

Catalysts of Creativity - Be Playful

Originally posted at PickTheBrain a weblog dedicated to self improvement and motivation .

Ask 100 people for a definition of success, and chances are, you’ll get 100 different answers. Many will be variations on similar themes. Wealth and its trappings define success for some. A high-ranking position in their career field signal success for others. Some will mention their large families including many grandchildren. Others will describe houses on the beach, in the mountains or atop Fifth Avenue buildings in New York City. A few might relay stories of fulfillment through volunteer work or giving to charity.

Baby Boomers Vs Generation X and Y

Each generation defines itself by its definition of success. For men and women that grew up during the Great Depression and then survived World War II, starting a family, keeping house and maintaining relationships with friends and neighbors were the ultimate goals. Societal norms of decorum and privacy influenced their children, who grew up during the 1970s when free love became the new standard of success. Breaking the bonds of societal norms meant that you had “made it.” The 1980s and 1990s were marked by excess in everything. Boomers and their children defined success in the most materialistic of ways. Big houses, fancy cars, big hair, and flashy jewelry were the new status symbols. Everyone worked hard and played even harder. With the turn of the last century, many have begun to reflect on the true nature of success.

Dropping Out and Heading Up

Today, amidst over-packed schedules, SAT score obsessing parents, and badge-of-honor college acceptance letters, some are pausing to reflect on what they truly want out of life and how to get it. Rather than staying on the part hamster wheel, part Stairmaster of the corporate ladder, many are re-assessing, re-organizing and dropping out of the median flow. They are forging their own paths. To these people, success is a state of mind, and to achieve it, one must know where one is going. They know they have achieved success when they realize self-actualization, the highest state of being on Maslows’s Hierarchy of Needs . At this state, one experiences creativity, morality, acceptance, spontaneity, and being all that one can be.

The following are stories of success in this vein. They are stories of real people who overcame odds, re-arranged their lives, and headed in the direction that made the most sense to them, internally, and beyond the reach of the judgments of others.

The World’s Oldest First Grader

Alferd Williams , 70, was featured recently in People Magazine and had a trip to the Oprah Winfrey Show. What is Alferd’s claim to fame? He is one of the world’s oldest first graders. He grew up as the son of sharecroppers in Tennessee. Needing “all hands on deck” to grow and harvest cotton, Alferd never learned to read. While caring for a neighbor’s children, walking them back and forth to school in 2006, he happened upon schoolteacher Alesia Hamilton. She discovered that he could not read and asked him if he would like help from a local literacy agency. He wanted to learn from her, and together they arranged for that to happen. Alferd has served as a volunteer in Hamilton’s first grade class since 2007, helping and learning along with the children. During several interviews over the past few months, Williams has described an entire new world opening up to him since learning to read. He enjoys going to the grocery store and selecting his own food, knowing that he will like what he chooses, or at least knows what it is.

Alferd is not a corporate CEO. Nor will he cure cancer. But he has found success. He has started to achieve something that he always wanted to achieve, and has inspired others. One foot in front of the other, one word at a time, he has achieved success.

Three Cups of Tea