It was the summer of 1998. I was 12 years old at the time and a frequent visitor to the local public swimming pool. Our family was doing well that year so each of my siblings and I had a Summer pass. Wow, a Summer pass! I felt on top of the world. I went to the pool religiously every day, right when they opened. I remember many of the teenage boys and men there had chiseled abs and washboard stomachs. I was just starting to like girls at the time and it seemed like all the boys with the muscular physiques were getting more attention from the ladies than I was. As soon as I realized this, that was the beginning of my quest to get ripped.

I started lifting some free weights that my dad had lying around the garage. That helped a little, but I was still self-conscious of my stomach. Keep in mind I wasn’t overweight. I was a lean kid. I wanted a chiseled stomach though, so every day at the pool I would constantly flex my stomach. When I flexed, it looked like I had more definition than I actually did, but who could tell right? So I flexed constantly . I flexed when I walked, I flexed in the pool, I flexed when I was laying down. I started doing it so much, I even flexed when my shirt was on . It just became a habit.

What I didn’t realize at the time was all this flexing had led to greater definition . Now even when I didn’t flex, you could see an outline of my abs. This may not seem like much, but for me it this was exciting.

As my obsessive flexing continued, more and more of the six pack under all those layers of skin started to come through.

I’m not suggesting you go around flexing your stomach all day long, but just think about all the time you’re not doing anything where you could take advantage of this:

• Standing in line at the grocery store
• Waiting for coffee at Starbucks
• At the crosswalk before the light turns green
• Watching television
• On the bus, on a train, on a plane (in a boat, with a goat. no, not really)
• While you’re showering

Flexing and isometric exercise is proven to improve muscle definition. Now I’m not saying this is the fastest way to develop a six pack, it should be seen as an addition to your normal core workout. Obviously body fat percentage plays a big role as well. If you’re 50 pounds overweight, it doesn’t matter how much you flex, your abs aren’t going to show until you drop some weight. But if your body fat is at a healthy level you’ll see results within a few weeks.

When you flex your stomach, try to focus on the lower abdominals. Your obliques and lower abdominals are usually the hardest part of the stomach muscles to gain definition in. When you flex, try focusing as much on those sections of your muscles as much as possible. Don’t worry about the top and middle abs, you’ll naturally flex them anyway . It also helps when doing crunches, leg raises or butterflies to focus on the obliques and lower abs. Try to flex them as much as possible on each rep. Not only will you gain definition, but you’ll also be recruiting more muscle fibers. This improves your core strength and mind-body connection. Essentially, the more lesser-used muscles you can consciously control, the stronger you’ll be and the greater definition you’ll have.

Flexing any muscle on your body improves the mind-body connection and improves muscle memory. The more you flex, the more your body will think that’s the way you should naturally look.

Jonathan is the author of the blog Illuminated Mind . He writes about finding Authenticity, Clarity and Balance in all aspects of living. His articles include 5 Signs You’ve Married Your Problems (and how to divorce them) and The Cult of Productivity . You can subscribe to his blog here .

Your non-stop talking makes you seem like a jerk. I’ve never met you before, so if you are perfect at listening in a conversation, I apologize. That message wasn’t intended for you. But a lot of people do have a problem with listening. They fill conversations with the sound of their voice. I know, because I’m one of them. The listening habit has been something I’ve been trying to build with myself. There are plenty of selfish (and non-selfish) reasons why becoming a better listener is useful. I’m sure you don’t want to miss out, just because neither of us run out of things to say.

Some Selfish Reasons to Listen More

It’s easy to think of the selfless reasons to listen. People want you to listen to them. By listening, you can help someone with a problem, or help them come up with new ideas. But listening also has selfish benefits that make it worth the investment.

The biggest selfish benefit is that you learn more with your mouth closed. You’ll learn more about other people, and often, about yourself, if you stop talking. Those ideas are useful if you want to improve yourself. Going without feedback is improving in a vacuum, it’s almost impossible to do.

Listening also helps you think. When you’re truly listening, not just waiting for your turn to speak, you can chew over your ideas more. You can mull on points of the conversation longer. In the end, you’ll appear a lot wiser if you explain a fully-digested point of view, than if you just blurt out the first response that comes to mind.

Building the listening habit also makes better friends than trying to be an impressive conversationalist. People like the guy who listens more than the guy with the best jokes or funniest anecdotes. Be interested, rather than interesting.

How to Build the Listening Habit

The amount you talk is a function of your conversation style. Some people won’t have trouble holding back comments and can easily listen in a conversation. If you’re like me, you’re instinct is to treat conversations like a battleground, loading ammunition and firing ideas to match the wits of whoever you’re competing against. Unfortunately, unless you meet up with a person of the same style, the other person may have to surrender to your barrage of comments.

Building the listening habit doesn’t come easily to everyone. But, even if you never run out of things to say, you can improve. I’ve used a few strategies to become a better listener that you may find useful.

Bait Them

If the person you’re talking with doesn’t feel too chatty, bait them with a comment. Throw something at them which will make it easy for them to talk. The most common route for this is to ask them questions about themselves. “Me” tends to be the most popular subject, so getting a person to talk about themselves is an easy target for conversations.

Going the “me” route isn’t always the best strategy. If the conversation steers away from things you both have in common, you may have a hard time listening. It’s hard to have a twenty minute conversation with a sailing enthusiast if you’ve never been on a boat before.

In those cases, I suggest picking conversation points which are easy to relate to. This will be different in each person, but sports, travel or work can all be common threads.

Master the Short Anecdote

I remember being taught that listening was making comments like, “I see,” and “Uh-huh,” while nodding my head. This is one of the worst ways to carry on a conversation. Listening shouldn’t force the other person to do a monologue.

A better strategy to listen is to master the short anecdote. This is a 2-3 sentence comment on something that the other person has said. If they are telling a long explanation of their work as an accountant, you could comment on someone you know that does accounting or something you know about accounting.

Short anecdotes are better than blanket signs of listening (“I see…”) for a few reasons:

1. They break up the conversation. You give the person long enough to think of new ideas, without hijacking the conversation thread.

2. They show you are genuinely listening. You can make blanket statements without actually hearing anything. Short anecdotes show you are actively listening to the other person.

3. They give the other person a chance to conclude or switch topics. Instead of letting a conversation die off, small comments offer the opportunity for that person to switch topics without an awkward pause.

Watch the Conversation Balance

If you’re having a longer conversation, pay attention to how long you talk. If you notice you’re starting to dominate the conversation, step back and bait the other person. This way you can sit back and listen.

All of these tactics might seem a bit too detailed for regular conversations. Shouldn’t you just be natural, and not worry about the exact percentages of who says what? In that, I’d have to agree with you. Conversations should be natural, so worrying about the details of who is talking or explicitly trying to bait someone is stupid.

However, listening is important. You might not even realize that you’re ignoring the other person or dominating the conversation. Listening helps you learn, think and make connections. People who accidentally trample the conversation may be missing out on opportunities they would have, if they just learned to listen.

Originally posted at PickTheBrain a weblog dedicated to self improvement and motivation .