“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.” ~ Raymond Hull

‘Be yourself!’ This is a common piece of advice, often given before an interview or a date or some other occasion when we need to impress. Sounds like a strange piece of advice, though. How could you not be yourself?

Strange at is seems, we have been conditioned all our lives to behave according to other people’s expectations, to dance to their tune, to let them pull our stings. The truth is that most of us – unless we have really thought about it and made an effort to change – are puppets, controlled by the world around us. We crave approval. We need to fit in. In many ways, this is just a characteristic of being human – we are social animals and need to fit into the group to survive. But this natural and healthy tendency has taken over our lives to such an extent that we are often paralyzed by a fear of the outside world and obsessed by how others see us.

But what would things look life if you could really ‘be yourself’?

Don’t give away your power

“The King is angry. See, he gnaws his lip.” ~ Shakespeare, Richard III

It is impossible to really be yourself when you are worried about how other people perceive you. We all care (at least a little bit) what other people think – we have been raised to believe that the approval of others is important. And in some ways it is – other people do have power over us. But the truth is that it doesn’t matter as much as you think; usually it doesn’t matter at all. Sometimes you’ll be flavor of the month; other times you might be public enemy number one. But you cannot control what other people think of you, so why even try?

Let them think what they will. To give the opinions and thoughts of others so much importance is to make your own life a misery. When you stop giving your power away to other people like this, your life will be so much lighter and easier. To genuinely not care what others think is an amazing and enlightening experience. Try it.

Live with integrity

“The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike, and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune.” ~ Boris Pasternak

Living with integrity means being an open, honest person. It means saying what you think – not in an arrogant, conceited way, which is usually a sign of an inferiority complex – but because you shouldn’t hide what you believe. If you are not true to yourself – if you are dishonest, if you hide part of yourself, either as a defense mechanism or to get a promotion or make money, you will create what I have heard called an ‘inner darkness,’ and this will haunt you.

In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People , one of the most widely read and influential self-improvement books of all time, Steven Covey writes that truly successful people operate from a principle-centered paradigm, steering their lives by means of a clear compass of integrity. You might be able to succeed in some senses by being dishonest and duplicitous, but in the end you will be unable to face yourself, and if you cannot look in the mirror with a clear conscience, how can you be yourself?

Don’t take yourself so seriously

“When you can laugh at yourself, you are free.” ~ Ted Loder

Will the world stop turning if you screw up? Believe it or not, the world got along fine without you for millions of years, and will do so long after you’re gone. So keep things in perspective. Will any of this matter in a year, ten year, 100 years? In many ways, the world is a ridiculous place, full of crazy things that make no sense at all. You can’t make sense of it all however hard you try. It is what it is, and so are you, with all your contradictions and faults and failings. Remember the old saying: ‘laugh and the world laughs with you.’ So relax, lighten up; don’t get things out of proportion.

Don’t worry: accept things as they are

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” ~ Buddha

We have a tendency to think we are in control. But the truth is that there are surprisingly few things we can influence directly. I read somewhere recently that life is no about avoiding the storm but about learning to dance in the rain, and I think this is a wonderful truth. We spend so much time trying to change our world, but in reality we can only change ourselves. If the rain is coming, it will come; if the sun is setting, it will set. Accept these many, many things which are outside our control and, whatever comes along, learn not only to live with it, but to embrace it, to love it – to live any other way is madness.

Do what you love

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, don’t let other people tell you what to do and how to live. In the end, you are responsible for your experience of life, and if you don’t follow your dreams, you only have yourself to blame. ‘You’re a long time dead’ as the saying goes, so don’t waste time with worry or regret . Don’t be a puppet – don’t let the world around you pull your strings. You cannot control it, so don’t let it control you either. If you are true to yourself and live with integrity, honesty and without fear, then you will, perhaps, begin to see the answer to that most perplexing of questions: “Who am I?”

This guest article was written by Michael Miles. Michael writes about using your mind as nature intended at his blog, Effortless Abundance . If you enjoyed this article, you may like to subscribe to his RSS feed .

Image by *Zara .

Originally posted at PickTheBrain a weblog dedicated to self improvement and motivation .

Creativity can be the act of bringing something new into this world. Or it can be the uniqueness of each person that sets them apart from others. In the first instance, you may be creating something with your hands like painting a picture, or with your mind like writing a book. Even though in this case to create is to bring forth, you can’t help but stamp all your creations with your uniqueness. Your picture won’t be like anyone else’s and neither will your book.

So in the act of creation, we are impressing the object with our creativity. We see this aspect of ourselves developing at a very young age. Do you remember your first creative endeavors? Did you build cities with your Lego blocks? Did you make up songs in your head? How did you express your creativity? And was it encouraged, supported, and appreciated? Or was it suppressed by ignorant teachers and critical parents?

Schools typically are set up for each student to conform to the rules and do everything the same as all the other students. I remember a girl in my 7th grade class who used pink to paint the sky, only to have the teacher say, “Skies are blue!” Well, we know paintings are interpretations of how the artist sees the world, so it’s a strong probability that girl never picked up a paint brush again.

And parents, unwittingly, may want one child to be like the others, failing to nurture their differences. “Why can’t you be more like your brother,” is a common phrase in many homes.

If you find yourself lacking in creativity, whether on the job or in your personal life, maybe it’s because you never had a safe outlet for it–either in the past or the present. At work when you come up with innovative ideas, you may have superiors who prefer the status quo. If that leaves you frustrated, you may choose to suppress your creative side and just go with the flow. But if you’re a bit of a rebel, you can continue to express your ideas and hope that someday someone will see your genius. Or you can leave the “security” of a job, and start your own business.

Entrepreneurs are most often a highly creative lot. That’s usually one of the main reasons they start a business, to express their creative ideas, to build something that is uniquely them. And here is one way you can use your creativity to carve out your niche in life. If you look at some of the great inventors, you’ll see that their creative urges propelled them forward even in the face of setbacks. Ben Franklin, Thomas Edison, Henry Ford are all great examples.

In your personal life, you often express your creativity through hobbies and leisure activities. Whether it’s gardening, decorating, or sports, you do each in your own special way. You also carve out your niche in your personal life through your creative expression, which is visible in everything you do. How you dress, how you think, how you cook, how you talk. It’s all the little distinctions that make you who you are. Without it, you would be like everyone else and that would make for a boring world.

You are the creator of your world. You bring forth something into the world every day whether tangible or intangible. If you feel at all stuck or stifled in living a life filled with creative expression and creative pursuits, it’s time for you to take action.

Here are a few ways to tap into your latent creativity:

1. Spend some quiet time to get in touch with how you would like to carve out your unique niche
2. Take adult school classes or read biographies to get inspired
3. Have a brainstorming session with other creative friends
4. Join a special interest group
5. Talk to a life coach to help you find out where you shine

The world is waiting for you to emerge as your special self!

This article was written by David B. Bohl - Husband, Father, Friend, Lifestyle Coach, Author, Entrepreneur, and creator of Slow Down FAST . For more info visit his blog at Slow Down Fast blog .