Depending upon our life experiences, each one of us has a different definition of abundance, much of which is learned during childhood. We are taught at an early age to either want for nothing or yearn for more. We learn how to react to those who have much more than us, and we develop our thoughts and attitudes about sharing with the less fortunate. We decide which things we hunger for the most, many times based upon those things that we lacked early in life.

As we grow and develop, we are constantly bombarded by messages regarding wealth, power, money, and greed. Magazines, newspapers, television, and movies all express society’s thoughts regarding such matters, and as time has progressed, we have developed into a more materialistic society. More emphasis has been placed on the ownership of elaborate possessions and such things as spirituality and family values seem to have been cast aside.

This sets us up for great disappointments, since we are taught that we can never have enough. It leaves us striving to reach an ambiguous and unattainable goal – to have “enough.” Yet there is never any definition of what enough truly is.

Happiness in life and an internal feeling of fulfillment come with the achievement of intangible goals, and sometimes we receive the greatest enjoyment out of those actions which help others in need. When we accumulate so much in life in the way of money or personal possessions, it makes it difficult to appreciate those things. However, when we live by more modest means and experience abundance only occasionally, it makes the experience so much sweeter and the enjoyment so much greater. For this reason, our goals of personal development should direct us to a modest lifestyle that allows for true appreciation of our successes, rather than establishing an unfulfilling expectation of constant abundance.

Find Your Definition of Abundance

To help you accomplish this, look to your childhood. What things did you have during your childhood, and what things did you lack? Are your goals for attaining personal possessions or power right now based upon those things you did not have as a child? What feelings do those possessions evoke? Determine which feelings regarding materialistic possessions you still carry with you, which ones have transformed, and why certain feelings have changed. By understanding the origins of your feelings regarding possessions, you will be able to make necessary changes that will restore your life to greater balance.

Determine the Cost of Abundance

Having an abundant supply of personal possessions comes at a great cost, and you need to evaluate whether that cost is really worth ownership of such belongings. Cost involves much more than the monetary aspect of owning personal possessions. Time away from the family, missing your children’s milestones as they grow, loss of sleep, and deteriorating health are all costs associated with maintaining personal possessions.

There is no doubt we must all provide for our basic needs and the needs of our families, but when the importance of owning possessions eclipses the importance of our own personal health and the well-being of our relationships, it is time to reevaluate our values and bring them more in line with reasonable expectations.

Balancing Your Needs with Your Desires

As with most things in life, the best way to achieve happiness is to find a healthy balance. Determine those things you need in life in order to have a comfortable and fulfilled life with your family. Then make a list of your desires – those things above and beyond your basic needs that make your life more comfortable and more enjoyable.

Determine what it would take for you to achieve your basic needs, then determine what you would need to do in order to obtain your desires. Look at the consequences to your personal and emotional well being as a result of attempting to achieve all of your desires.

Finally, balance your lists. When you are setting your goals, ensure all of your family’s needs are met. Then allow for the addition of some of the extras. Ensure you leave yourself personal time for sleep, exercise, and family interaction.

By allowing yourself to experience abundance occasionally rather than pushing to perpetually achieve it, your life will have a greater work life balance. You and your family will have a much greater appreciation for those times when you do get to enjoy life’s little extras, but you will have the proper emotional support and family network to provide you with the greatest satisfactions life has to offer.

This article was written by David B. Bohl - Husband, Father, Friend, Lifestyle Coach, Author, Entrepreneur, and creator of Slow Down FAST . For more info visit his blog at Slow Down Fast blog .

Image by tanakawho .

Has this ever happened to you?

You’re happily going about your day when, out of nowhere, someone criticizes something you say or do. Suddenly you lose focus and can’t stop thinking about what they said or wrote. You know you shouldn’t be bothered, but knowing doesn’t help you stop thinking about it over and over and over.

In the past I have spent hours, days even, thinking about even the smallest of critical comments. It still happens to me every so often, but for the most part I have learned how to effectively handle it. I guess you could say I am a sensitive person, and truth be told I don’t think there is anything wrong with this for the most part. However, being sensitive to criticism is a major problem if it causes you to lose focus on important tasks or makes you stop acting in a certain manner due to fear of being criticized.

Since putting myself “out there”, in particular with my blogging, I have had to implement a number of strategies for dealing with criticism. And for the most part these strategies have worked well. That is not to say I don’t still feel the sting of criticism, but for the most part I don’t let it hijack my thoughts or stop me from acting in my normal manner.

Understanding Criticism

To effectively deal with criticism, it is important to first understand that there are different types of, and reasons for, critical comments.

It is not always about you. The truth is, there are some angry, jealous and insecure people in the world who are critical because… well…. that’s just the way they are. That’s not to say that sometimes they are not critical for good reasons, but other times it is just a case of you being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It is inevitable. Recently I read how Drew Barrymore was criticized by some people after donating $1,000,000 to charity. To me, this just shows that when it comes to how we act or what we say often we are caught in a Catch 22. That is, we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

It may be justified. We each have our imperfections, and this means that sometimes we do something wrong or say something stupid. When this happens, any criticism we receive may be well justified.

How to Handle Criticism

We now know that not all criticism is the same. The key is to be aware of what type of criticism you are receiving and then act accordingly. The following are some strategies that I find to be effective:

Don’t take it personally. As I mentioned earlier, sometimes criticism has very little to do with you and a lot to do with the other person’s own insecurities, anger or unique way of seeing the world. If someone makes a nasty personal attack on you, there is a good chance that it is actually them that has the problem. At the other end of the spectrum, if someone criticizes you in a constructive manner don’t let your own pride get in the way of hearing what they have to say.

Learn. Sometimes there is good reason for people to be critical of what we say or do. So if you are criticized for whatever reason, try to be open-minded about it. Perhaps even welcome it by expressing gratitude to your critic. It may not be nice to hear criticism, but such feedback is often a part of the learning process and can provide us with valuable insights into how we can improve and grow as a person.

Toughen up. As I said before, I don’t necessarily think it is bad to be sensitive. But if criticism regularly hijacks your thoughts, it could be time to toughen up and grow a thicker skin. In my opinion, the best way to do this is with an inside-out approach. By this I mean don’t just pretend to be tougher. Instead, take the time to work on your self-esteem so that you hold greater confidence in your abilities and ideas.

Be assertive. If you feel that the criticism you receive is unjustified, I suggest you respond courteously, but assertively. This may be difficult, particularly if the other person is your senior. But it is generally not a good idea to “bottle up” your feelings as this is what can leave you dwelling on criticism for hours or even days.

Do it anyway. Perhaps the most important point in this article is: don’t change the way you act or the things you say simply to avoid criticism. Remember, criticism is usually inevitable. And it may just be an indication that you have taken a risk and chosen to tackle something which is a challenge to you.

Photo by SeraphimC .